What made Brian angry today?

Oh how fun, waking up at 5 am in need of the toilet, pondering if this is a sign of the old age that looms close round the corner. Get up, use toilet, go back to bed flip light switch back off ALARM ALARM ALARM. Wow that’s odd why have a fire alarm switch next to the bed. Oh no wait that is just a fire alarm DAMNIT I have to get up. Stumble out wait wait wait, oh this is a not a drill. 3.5 hours later, one HCL acid spill later I am very tired, and cross.

Not that it’s anyone’s fault (I’m pretty sure, having checked my face, that Fraser and I did not get horribly drunk and have a post pub acid fight) but oh my how annoying.

Also the hotel keys made me furious, wasteful plastic disposable keys, one use only. Do you hate the earth Thistle hotels, DO YOU.

I fear the rage level today will be horrible exasabated by exhaustion… For shame.

Hello I’m Ajax, I like cleaning toilets, playing football and stabbing nasty Trojans, sometimes, just sometimes, I like to tinker about with web paged to do some fancy stuff with external data.

What I do not do is EVERYTHING that’s non static on the flaming web. So hey lets stop using abusing my good name for a simple bit of JavaScript that swaps an image, especially when you are claiming that a page “needs some AJAX” just cause you are too bloody useless to do your job properly.

If you don’t listen i’ll bloody well smite your nose off with my 7 ox-hide shield. That’ll learn you.

What an interesting news day, a rage inducing news day. You might imagine that the downfall of the global markets might be a cause of spot anger. Not here, no today’s rage was induced by 73 people who apparently have just about enough brain power to use a phone.

42 people phoned Ofcom to whine about G. Ramsey killing, then eating the fresh heart of, a puffin. Whilst it might have been unpleasant to taste, quite why it was offensive I don’t know. That was quite anger inducing that 42 people are so bored and worried about puffin rights that they bother to waste their time and money in calling Ofcom (oh how I would love to man those phones for just one day and be allowed to respond as I felt fit to the people who bother to call in).

However not really, what’s worse it the other 31 people who make up this 73.

You see, 31 people moaned that the BBC News report showing footage of a Palestinian man ramming buses and cars with a bulldozer, killing three people and then the man being shot dead in the cab of the vehicle by an off-duty Israeli soldier. Now I might agree with these whiners that this is not really news and maybe best not shown on screen… but FOURTY BLOODY TWO people moaning about a puffin heart compared to only 31 about 4 people being violently killed on screen. What the heavens is wrong with people’s sense of perspective. It’s a bloody puffin for fucks sake, yes they are kind of cute but they are everywhere in Iceland and one or two are not going to be missed, for the love of Thor get a grip. Next you’ll be claiming that dog stew is cruel or something.

Wankers.

Only two days ago I was searching for trips to Egypt over New Year. XL came up on the search and I could have booked with them only yesterday. It is shocking that with this imminent collapse the company was still happy to take people’s money when they knew what was going to happen.There should be rules to prevent this sort of behaviour.

Michelle, London

Right, so you want rules to stop companies trading when they know they are about to go bust do you.

Fine so we’ll make a rule, just cause you asked nicely Michelle. Oh hang on what’s this, another company took an order from you 5 seconds before falling foul of this new rule.

This is an outrage!!! WE CAN NEVER LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN!!! Lets instigate a new new rule that stops companies from taking money when they are about to fall foul of the new rule that stops them taking money when they are about to go insolvent.

Oh no wait, you’re just a blistering dunderhead who has no idea about anything so I think on this occasion we’ll just go ahead and ignore you if it’s all the same. There are rules about this sort of thing, it’s call bankruptcy you moran. Oh how I wish you had booked with XL, I really do, just so I could imagine the stupid tears welling up in your probably hideous eyes at the news that there would be no holiday for you this year.

I really should stop reading Have Your Say…

Not only are there no busses (apart from the 83, more on that in a bit) this morning due to some strike or other, I have to witness the curious act of the council fixing brackets and hanging baskets of flowers from my local street lights… Now call me seasonally naïve but isn’t spring or summer not better the time to do this. Surely this catastrophic waste of money will result in pots of dead flowers in a few weeks and a sense that the whole place is a festering craphole (silence Andy) so bad that that they can’t be bothered to take away the springs now long dead flower baskets. That and they were not even very nice ones, too much green not enough flower.

If this was not enough, I also had to deal with Crazy Woman, “There are no busses today” “you might get the 83, they are running that for the kids” “There are no busses at all, apart from the 83”, “I don’t know your waiting here, there are no busses, look read the sign, other than the 83 maybe” and on and on. I KNOW THERE ARE NO BUSSES YOU HIDIOUS FACED DRUNKEN HAG, I CAN READ, THE ONLY REASON I HAVE BEEN HERE SO LONG IS YOU HAVE BEEN TALKING AT ME FOR 5 MINUTES ABOUT THE BLOODY 83 BUS. Is not what I said, I kindly thanked her for the reassuring words about the 83 and walked off slightly annoyed that I had decided not to cycle today after all (as an aside she was also factually incorrect, the E11 was also running, for the kids apparently, stupid witch).